Category Archives: humor

Three Qualities in Men That Drive Women Nuts: What not to do

dating tips and characteristics to avoidAlthough men and women might as well be different galaxies (forget different planets, the Venus/Mars analogy is an understatement), many women like to think that they really know men, and vice versa. Men and women can try, at best, to find a common ground, but there are some inherent differences that make us…well, inherently different.
Women are constantly trying to figure men out — and while women may not have all the answers when it comes to understanding men, they do know exactly what qualities in men they absolutely hate. Even though we’re all responsible for our own behavior, societal “norms” have conditioned many men to hold on to characteristics that they think are normal…but drive women utterly up the wall.
Arrogance

This is one of those qualities men think women actually dig. Those men who do should learn the difference between confidence and arrogance. While confidence is extremely attractive, arrogance is a huge turn off. The difference is pretty simple. Confidence is usually implicit, and comes from body language, composure, eloquence and other subtle characteristics. Women love to observe, and noticing a confident man usually takes some time. Arrogance, on the other hand, is noticeable almost immediately. Arrogance constitutes blatant, obnoxious, in-your-face cockiness, which is likely to lead to a marathon of unfortunate events. Women can’t always tell arrogance from confidence until a man opens his mouth, which is why it can be hard to discern between the two. If we encounter a cocky guy, we might mistake him for a guy that carries himself well and show interest until he opens his mouth. But unfortunately, it’s a vicious cycle — the cocky ass hole will feed into the slightest bit of attention and get even cockier as the night goes on.
If you’re on the extreme end of the loser spectrum, you might still use corny, clichéd pick-up lines. Thankfully, the days of corny pick-up lines are over for the most part, but where one tactic ends, another one must take off, and now a new array of equally desperate tactics has entered the playing field: The new trend seems to be asking the stupidest questions to try to elicit conversation — à la Mystery from the hit VH1 show The Pick Up Artist. Arrogant men regularly use variations of questions taken from the show and expect it to work. When women hear something remotely close to this type of “opener,” (unless they’re equally desperate) don’t be surprised if they jump back by saying, “So, I see you took notes from The Pick Up Artist.”
If forced conversation and ridiculous questions aren’t bad enough, the last thing women at a bar or club want to hear is you go on and on about yourself and about how great you are. Can you say buzz kill? Women also don’t really care to hear you brag about what Ivy League school you graduated from and how much money you make when they’ve only known you for five minutes.
Key takeaways: Women would prefer to determine for themselves how “great” you really are. So quit the narcissistic monologue and try asking the lady some questions that actually allow you to get to know her. Build upon common interests and don’t try to force attraction.
Insecurity

Although it can be the complete opposite of arrogance, an insecure guy who makes socially awkward comments or barely talks at all, is just as annoying as the arrogant jerk who won’t shut up. Although they can seem mutually exclusive, insecurity is often the reason for arrogance. Many men feel the need to make up for other flaws by overcompensating — this usually comes in the form of bragging. These guys typically have zero personality and don’t have much to offer women beyond their false-perceived self-perfection, so they go on and on about their PhDs, their high-paying corporate jobs or their “fantastic” lives. They clearly have characteristics they feel inadequate about, which besides bragging, can manifest itself in clamorous, ostentatious and aggressive behavior.
On the contrary, text-book insecurity — usually characterized by excessive shyness, inability to start or hold a conversation and overall social awkwardness — is annoying for the simple fact that it can make getting to know a guy frustrating and pretty difficult. Women want a guy that’s easy to talk to from the get-go, and your social anxiety isn’t making the situation any easier. A girl wants a guy who can make her feel good and comfort her, and if insecure guys don’t feel good about themselves, how are they supposed to make the opposite sex feel good? If they’re the insecure type that can actually make it through a conversation and elicit some interest from women, those guys will more than likely be the type to smother, be too controlling and over possessive. These traits stem from fear…fear that their girlfriends or love interests might leave them for someone else — someone hotter, someone smarter, someone tougher, someone richer, someone taller. And it’s all because deep-down guys that are always second-guessing themselves never feel like they’re good enough.
Key takeaways
: Although insecurity takes place in many forms, it’s clearly not attractive in any of its facets. Be confident (we’re obviously interested in you because you have some redeemable qualities) or fake it if you have to, trust us and give us space when we need it. Women will reciprocate the favor and will be honest with you if you just learn to let go a little.
Bad Hygiene and Manners

This is one of those things that guys have the hardest time understanding, despite the fact that more “metro” tendencies are quickly becoming the norm. Personal grooming and everyday hygiene are necessities, not optional. Failure to meet these requirements is an instant deal breaker. A generally well-maintained appearance, a clean scent (bathing with soap and a simple deodorant will work just fine), and healthy-smelling breath are very important. No one wants kiss, let alone get into bed with someone who reeks of sweat and the guys’ locker room at the gym. Most women don’t expect you to have a hairless chest, wear designer clothes or have six-pack abs, but we do expect the bare minimum. Yes, that means daily showers are mandatory. This seems like common sense, but you’d be surprised to learn that many men don’t follow these rules.
Please understand, it might acceptable, funny and cool to pass gas watching football with the boys — you might even have “competitions” to see who can rip the loudest one — but it just doesn’t cut it with the ladies. In fact, women get kind of disgusted by it. If you don’t want us to fart or belch, it’s only fair that you don’t do the same. Double standards are so thirty years ago, and nowadays holding your personal gas boils down to general human decency, not the necessity to be “ladylike” or “manly.”
Key takeaways
: Staying clean, smelling decent and grooming the excess (nose hair and nether regions are a plus) can work wonders, or give you the boost you need to begin the process of wooing.
In reality, it doesn’t take much to keep a girl interested. Granted that there is some level of physical attraction, you really just have to focus on staying afloat. Being a normal person with whom a woman can have a genuine conversation is all it takes to pass the first step. Once you get there, all you have to worry about is the first date.

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SNL Sarah Palin Mockery Gets Even Better with VP Debate Parody Skit

Best line= “Are we not doing the talent portion?”

Tina Fey is the Best Sarah Palin Ever

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Not much to comment on other than Tina Fey is freakin hilarious (and dead on)! The accent, the looks, the demeanor, the voice, the obnoxious accent, the entire package!

Greetings from my UK Vay-K

Just to let all my readers know, I’m currently on vacay in the UK visiting my family. Since I’m extremely busy with my family here in England and, I’m afraid I won’te get a chance to blog until I come back next week. So until then, sit tight, watch some tv and wait for your RSS feed to collect some snarky new posts from me. Since I won’t have time to write anything clever, I thought it would be a good idea to start collecting British slang and translate it to English (the American kind). Here’s what I’ve picked up so far: BTW, I’m probably going to be spelling a lot of things incorrectly:

Brits: I’ve got to go to the loo.
I’ve got to go toilet.
Americans: I’ve got to go to the bathroom.

Brits: I got really legless last night.
I got really mashed up last night.
Americans: I got totally hammered last night.

Brits: Those two don’t get on/ Them lot don’t get on.
Americans: Those two don’t get along / They don’t get along.

Brits: He’s just bloody takin’ the piss now.
Americans: He’s just letting it drag on forever and a day at this point.

Brits: You a’right?
Americans: How are you?

Brits: What a prick!
Americans: What a bastard/ass hole!

Brits: What a twat!
Americans: What a douche bag.

Brits: He lives opposite her.
Americans: He lives across the street from her.

Brits: You can at least indicate before you turn!
Americans: You can at least signal/turn your blinker on before you turn!

Brits: It’s okay.
Americans: You’re welcome.

Brits: Give Way (to the pedestrian)
Americans: Yield (to the pedestrian)

Brits: Flat to let
Americans: Apartment for rent

And my personal favorite:
Brits: It’s nice.
Americans: This food is delicious OR the house is enormous OR the weather is perfect OR that computer is awesome!;

Brits: It’s really nice.
Americans: This food is really delicious OR the house is really enormous OR the weather is really perfect OR that computer is really awesome!

If you like something, when in doubt, just say it’s “nice.” You’ll totally blend in and you won’t even need to think of a more precise adjective.

That’s it for now, these bloody keys are placed differently in England and I’m starting to feel a slight case of carpal tunnel already coming on. Toodles!

8 Soulful UK Artists that aren’t cracked out a la Amy Winehouse

I love Amy Winehouse’s music…but I’m not sure if I love Amy Winehouse. Let’s just say if I saw her I would probably not talk to her. I’d give her a hamburger and fries without saying a single word. Then I’d run like nobody’s business. At least then, maybe she wouldn’t have to shoplift to get a meal. Since she’s blown up so much and there’s not much American music hitting the scenes, I thought I’d provide some UK alternatives (since it seems as though that’s where all the talent is).

1. Adele

Born: London, England
Influences: Ella Fitzgerald, Etta James, Aretha Franklin
Albums: 19
Notable Songs: My Same, Right as Rain, Hometown Glory, Chasing Pavements

2. Duffy

Born: Gwynedd, Wales
Influences: Aretha Franklin, Dusty Springfield
Albums: Rockferry
Notable Songs: Mercy, Warwick Avenue, I’m Scared

3. Corinne Bailey Rae

Born: Leeds, England
Influences: Norah Jones, Billie Holiday, India Arie, Ella Fitzgerald
Albums: Corinne Bailey Rae
Notable Songs: Put Your Records on, Choux Pastry Heart, Like a Star, Trouble Sleeping

4. Joss Stone

Born: Kent England
Influences: Aretha Franklin, The Supremes, Angie Stone, Norah Jones, Alicia Keys
Albums: Mind, Body & Soul, The Soul Sessions, Introducing Joss Stone
Notable Songs: Tell Me What We’re Donna Do Now, Don’t Cha Wanna Ride,
Super Duper Love (Are You Diggin’ On Me)

5. Lily Allen

Born: London, England
Influences: Blondie, Shaggy, Prince
Albums: Alright, Still
Notable Songs: Smile, Everythings Just Wonderful, LDN

6. Kate Nash

Born: London, England
Influences: Regina Spektor, Carole King
Albums: Made of Bricks
Notable Songs: Foundations, Merry Happy, Mouthwash

7. Bat for Lashes (aka Natasha Khan)

Born: Brighton, England
Influences: Janis Joplin, Bjork, Steve Reich, Susan Hiller
Albums: Fur and Gold
Notable Songs: What’s a Girl To Do, Prescilla, I’m on Fire, The Wizard

8. Estelle

Born: West London, England
Influences: Lauryn Hill, Mary J. Blige, Santogold
Notable Songs: American Boy, You Are, Shine, 1980, Freedom
Albums: The 18th day, Shine

The Truth About Medical Marijuana, Seth Rogen Always Wants to Be Stoned

According to the NYTimes, medical marijuana actually does have valid medicinal uses.

“The truth, these researchers say, is that marijuana has medical benefits — for chronic-pain syndromes, cancer pain, multiple sclerosis, AIDS wasting syndrome and the nausea that accompanies chemotherapy — and attempts to understand and harness these are being hampered. Also, they add, science reveals that the risks of marijuana use, which have been thoroughly researched, are real but generally small.”

Speaking of medicinal marijuana, Seth Rogen (star of Pineapple Express and Knocked Up) is apparently the worst role model ever. During his guest appearance on “The Daily Show,” he basically advised high school kids to smoke a sh*t load of weed and make a movie based on it (as a formula for success). I love his sense of humor and the two of them together is total comedic bliss. Check out the clip below.

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Janet Jackson’s Superbowl Incident Now Achieves Dictionary Status

A little while back when I wrote a post about Janet Jackson’s FCC fine relief, I thought it would be the last I would hear about the whole Janet-Superbowl situation or anything else Janet related (unless she suddenly became preggers or decided to marry Jermaine Dupri). I suppose you can never underestimate the power of wardrobe malfunctions and Janet’s exposed nipple ring–they go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Speaking of wardrobe malfunctions, that’s exactly what the new coined phrase is in the Chambers English Dictionary. Don’t ask me way, but makers of the dictionary actually made a conscious decision to add the phrase into a reference book. You know, a dictionary. A book that people refer to when they want to know the definition of a real word. I suppose as long as they don’t add bootylicious to the dictionary I can remain relatively sane. Oh, nevermind…I guess they added that one too. And that time it was the Oxford Dictionary online. We’re really making great strides in the American vocabulary here.

It is said that English is the language with the most words in the world, and I’m beginning to understand just why. We continuously scope sites like urbandictionary.com and assimilate the most ridiculous words into our everyday language right before we stick it in the dictionary.

It looks like Janet is having a really good year. First CBS got relieved of the FCC fine and now she has her own phrase. Shakespeare and Chaucer would be proud (of the latter, of course).