Although men and women might as well be different galaxies (forget different planets, the Venus/Mars analogy is an understatement), many women like to think that they really know men, and vice versa. Men and women can try, at best, to find a common ground, but there are some inherent differences that make us…well, inherently different.
Women are constantly trying to figure men out — and while women may not have all the answers when it comes to understanding men, they do know exactly what qualities in men they absolutely hate. Even though we’re all responsible for our own behavior, societal “norms” have conditioned many men to hold on to characteristics that they think are normal…but drive women utterly up the wall.
This is one of those qualities men think women actually dig. Those men who do should learn the difference between confidence and arrogance. While confidence is extremely attractive, arrogance is a huge turn off. The difference is pretty simple. Confidence is usually implicit, and comes from body language, composure, eloquence and other subtle characteristics. Women love to observe, and noticing a confident man usually takes some time. Arrogance, on the other hand, is noticeable almost immediately. Arrogance constitutes blatant, obnoxious, in-your-face cockiness, which is likely to lead to a marathon of unfortunate events. Women can’t always tell arrogance from confidence until a man opens his mouth, which is why it can be hard to discern between the two. If we encounter a cocky guy, we might mistake him for a guy that carries himself well and show interest until he opens his mouth. But unfortunately, it’s a vicious cycle — the cocky ass hole will feed into the slightest bit of attention and get even cockier as the night goes on.
If you’re on the extreme end of the loser spectrum, you might still use corny, clichéd pick-up lines. Thankfully, the days of corny pick-up lines are over for the most part, but where one tactic ends, another one must take off, and now a new array of equally desperate tactics has entered the playing field: The new trend seems to be asking the stupidest questions to try to elicit conversation — à la Mystery from the hit VH1 show The Pick Up Artist. Arrogant men regularly use variations of questions taken from the show and expect it to work. When women hear something remotely close to this type of “opener,” (unless they’re equally desperate) don’t be surprised if they jump back by saying, “So, I see you took notes from The Pick Up Artist.”
If forced conversation and ridiculous questions aren’t bad enough, the last thing women at a bar or club want to hear is you go on and on about yourself and about how great you are. Can you say buzz kill? Women also don’t really care to hear you brag about what Ivy League school you graduated from and how much money you make when they’ve only known you for five minutes.
Key takeaways: Women would prefer to determine for themselves how “great” you really are. So quit the narcissistic monologue and try asking the lady some questions that actually allow you to get to know her. Build upon common interests and don’t try to force attraction.
Although it can be the complete opposite of arrogance, an insecure guy who makes socially awkward comments or barely talks at all, is just as annoying as the arrogant jerk who won’t shut up. Although they can seem mutually exclusive, insecurity is often the reason for arrogance. Many men feel the need to make up for other flaws by overcompensating — this usually comes in the form of bragging. These guys typically have zero personality and don’t have much to offer women beyond their false-perceived self-perfection, so they go on and on about their PhDs, their high-paying corporate jobs or their “fantastic” lives. They clearly have characteristics they feel inadequate about, which besides bragging, can manifest itself in clamorous, ostentatious and aggressive behavior.
On the contrary, text-book insecurity — usually characterized by excessive shyness, inability to start or hold a conversation and overall social awkwardness — is annoying for the simple fact that it can make getting to know a guy frustrating and pretty difficult. Women want a guy that’s easy to talk to from the get-go, and your social anxiety isn’t making the situation any easier. A girl wants a guy who can make her feel good and comfort her, and if insecure guys don’t feel good about themselves, how are they supposed to make the opposite sex feel good? If they’re the insecure type that can actually make it through a conversation and elicit some interest from women, those guys will more than likely be the type to smother, be too controlling and over possessive. These traits stem from fear…fear that their girlfriends or love interests might leave them for someone else — someone hotter, someone smarter, someone tougher, someone richer, someone taller. And it’s all because deep-down guys that are always second-guessing themselves never feel like they’re good enough.
Key takeaways: Although insecurity takes place in many forms, it’s clearly not attractive in any of its facets. Be confident (we’re obviously interested in you because you have some redeemable qualities) or fake it if you have to, trust us and give us space when we need it. Women will reciprocate the favor and will be honest with you if you just learn to let go a little.
Bad Hygiene and Manners
This is one of those things that guys have the hardest time understanding, despite the fact that more “metro” tendencies are quickly becoming the norm. Personal grooming and everyday hygiene are necessities, not optional. Failure to meet these requirements is an instant deal breaker. A generally well-maintained appearance, a clean scent (bathing with soap and a simple deodorant will work just fine), and healthy-smelling breath are very important. No one wants kiss, let alone get into bed with someone who reeks of sweat and the guys’ locker room at the gym. Most women don’t expect you to have a hairless chest, wear designer clothes or have six-pack abs, but we do expect the bare minimum. Yes, that means daily showers are mandatory. This seems like common sense, but you’d be surprised to learn that many men don’t follow these rules.
Please understand, it might acceptable, funny and cool to pass gas watching football with the boys — you might even have “competitions” to see who can rip the loudest one — but it just doesn’t cut it with the ladies. In fact, women get kind of disgusted by it. If you don’t want us to fart or belch, it’s only fair that you don’t do the same. Double standards are so thirty years ago, and nowadays holding your personal gas boils down to general human decency, not the necessity to be “ladylike” or “manly.”
Key takeaways: Staying clean, smelling decent and grooming the excess (nose hair and nether regions are a plus) can work wonders, or give you the boost you need to begin the process of wooing.
In reality, it doesn’t take much to keep a girl interested. Granted that there is some level of physical attraction, you really just have to focus on staying afloat. Being a normal person with whom a woman can have a genuine conversation is all it takes to pass the first step. Once you get there, all you have to worry about is the first date.